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By Marilyn Manson, Neil Strauss

The best-selling autobiography of America’s such a lot debatable star icon, Marilyn Manson (with an advantage bankruptcy now not within the hardcover).

In his twenty-nine years, rock idol Manson has skilled greater than most folks have (or would need to) in an entire life. Now, in his stunning and candid memoir, he is taking readers from behind the scenes to gaol cells, from recording studios to emergency rooms, from the pit of depression to the pinnacle of the charts, and recounts his metamorphosis from a worried Christian schoolboy into the main feared and respected song celebrity within the kingdom. Illustrated with dozens of specific images and that includes a behind-the-scenes account of his headline-grabbing useless to the realm tour.

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I must have long gone instantly domestic then—I could inform myself thousand occasions later—but I didn’t. as a substitute, I punished myself with liquor, tablets and medicine as I had with expanding frequency and volume due to the fact arriving from Canton. yet tonight used to be diverse. a few semblance of humanity had again to me within the studio, and it scared me. It used to be strange and that i desired to push it away. close to sunrise, Trent dropped me off at domestic and that i crept within, terrified of waking Missi. however the bed room gentle was once on, and Missi used to be mendacity on her again on best of the mattress, without covers. She was once shivering, yet her pores and skin used to be stippled with sweat, which had soaked into the sheets round her. She didn’t even recognize my presence: her eyes have been rolled into the again of her head. I shook her and talked to her, putting a surrender her burning brow. yet she didn’t express any signal of cognizance. I cursed myself for now not having come domestic , for no longer having paid cognizance whilst Missi acknowledged prior within the day she proposal she was once coming down with the flu, for now not even bringing domestic the medication she sought after, for the entire occasions I had fought together with her and cursed her life some time past six months. after which I questioned if my very own self-centered indulgence had killed her. She was once the one individual left for whom i used to be able to feeling any love, and to lose her will be to smash my simply likelihood of returning to the conventional human international of emotions, sentiments and passion—to wreck, in essence, myself. I panicked. not just was once I too fucked as much as force yet whether i needed to, I couldn’t simply because Missi’s vehicle was once a stick shift. regardless of our fresh transformations, Trent was once nonetheless the one individual i'll anticipate in New Orleans. I referred to as his mobile phone and, jointly, we rushed Missi to the clinic, an analogous one she had taken me to while I had overdosed. The nurses wheeled her into the emergency room and shot her with adrenaline to maintain her alive. Her temperature used to be approximately 107 levels, excessive sufficient to scramble the brains of most folk. a number of hours later, because the solar rose to sign the passing of one other punishing day, medical professionals introduced Missi to the ready room, the place I sat with Trent nonetheless by way of my facet. Trent didn’t have to be there: it wasn’t his accountability. yet there he was once. maybe I were fallacious approximately Trent’s friendship in recent times. in the end, in loads of methods, during the last 3 years Trent had develop into the brother I by no means had. The medical professionals defined that Missi used to be 3 months pregnant and, if she determined to have an abortion, she must wait until eventually her flu went away. I knew that in the process our lengthy dating I had deformed her character to fit my very own. Now i spotted that I had deformed her physique besides. the following evening, as I sat by myself within the studio’s keep an eye on room, I performed again the tough mixes we had recorded of “Tourniquet,” a track encouraged via one among my many apocalyptic nightmares. i assumed i used to be hearing it to aim and ensure if it may be redone, yet actually i used to be searching for myself within the music, to work out if i'll become aware of a few clue, a few solution, a few answer, a way out of the mess my lifestyles and occupation had turn into.

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